Confessions of a Bookworm

*Usher voice* “These are my confessions…”

Usher Confessions

Anyway, now that that’s out of the way…

It’s pretty easy to have popular opinions when it comes to books, or anything really. I suppose that’s what makes them “popular.” But, like any honest human being, there’s probably a little nagging troll inside your heart that is telling you things like “Okay, but really, the book wasn’t that great even though there are about 40 fanfic Tumblr blogs dedicated to low res gifs of actors and actresses who maybe look like what the characters are described as in the books making out on a loop” or “No, it really IS messed up that Bella chose Edward at the end of the series instead of Jacob and we all know it’s true but the only reason we won’t admit it is because we are so dedicated to choosing the wrong guy/person because it just feels RIGHT” (Don’t even lie to yourself, you know that’s the truth, friend. Listen to your heart troll…).

I wanted to share with you some of my bookworm confessions because I know I am definitely not alone in some of my feelings. Let me know if you are my heart troll soulmate!

Confession Number One: I can’t stand the dusty smell of old books.
This is a big one, I know. So many people love the smell of old books, but as someone who has suffered from dust and mold allergies since I emerged from the womb, I am not into it. Each time I smell an old book, it makes my body immediately throw itself headfirst into panic mode thinking that allergens are attacking my nose with the force of an Orc army, and my sinuses scream bloody murder “GET THE BENADRYL!!” Basically… old dusty books can exist, they can just exist the heck away from me.

Confession Number Two: If you mark up, dog ear, tear out, underline, sharpie, burn, cut up, snort, or otherwise deface your pages, go to jail right now and do not pass “Go.”
I don’t get it… Why would anyone want to destroy a perfectly good book by ruining its beauty with things such as that neon pink Sharpie highlighter you probably stole from your place of work? Leave the books alone!! Use a bookmark and some sticky notes!! Unless you are doing some serious college-level analytical breakdowns of the text, you leave that girl alone, she deserves better.

Confession Number Three: Books that don’t address how to pronounce a character’s name make me feel very insecure.
Here’s the truth: Names both in real life and in books are getting weirder and weirder and further away from the “norm.” This is totally fine, as I embrace individuality and encourage people to be creative. But if I have to read a 300 page book, let alone a SERIES, where I can’t figure out how to pronounce someone’s name, it is going to drive me NUTS. Why? Because it makes me feel stupid that I figure out the meaning of, and how to pronounce, floccinaucinihilipilification, but it took me until 2001, when the first Harry Potter move was released, after already reading the first three books in the Harry Potter series, to learn that Hermione was NOT pronounced “Her-mee-own”. Imagine my shock… (Fun fact: Apparently J.K. Rowling never intended for us to pronounce the “t” at the end of Voldemort, so I am told)

Confession Number Four: I judge books by their covers.
There, I said it. I do. I’m not sorry either!!

Confession Number Five: Romance novels always make me laugh, which I am pretty sure is DEFINITELY not the point of romance novels…
I get the appeal of romance novels, I really truly do. I can appreciate a good love story where two characters meet and fall deeply in love after seeing each other one time in a Starbucks and accidentally bumping into each other and somehow her skirt flies up and his shirt suddenly comes totally unbuttoned, revealing gleaming pectorals, but like he’s a single Dad so he’s a softie who just GETS HER too (as is what happens in real life, obviously). However, books like Fifty Shades of Grey (which I have never read) or books where there are oily, 14-pack having men on the cover with titles such as “Abs of FEELS” always make me laugh. Why do they always say such weird things that no human person would ever be attracted to in real life?

So there you have it. My weird albeit honest bookworm confessions. I hope they made you laugh and if you can relate to any of these, let me know!

Xoxo
-Alisa

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